Letter to Fred
by Spiralling-Down
Summary: About a month after the Battle of Hogwarts, George sends a letter to Fred, and Fred writes his reply. If only George could read it...
1. Dear Fred

**Disclaimer: Me? Own this? No chance.**

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><p>Oi, Fred,<p>

It's George here. Merlin… I don't know what to say. I've never really had to tell you how anything feels before – you always knew. Anyway - I could write anything right now. Lalala. I mean, it's not like you'll ever read it. You're gone. Gone. Doesn't feel right to say it, really. You were never meant to die. Not before me at any rate. I wanted to go and hunt down Rookwood, to fight him until one of us was dead – preferably me. But I just sat whispering in your ear, trying to make you warm again, and wishing you'd answer me, and sit up to say, "Fooled you!" And then the battle was over and Mum was crying and I don't even know what happened but I remember them taking you away from me and saying I had to go up to the Gryffindor common room, and Peeves was singing some song about Voldy finally being dead, and that was the first time I knew for sure we'd won, not that it made any difference anymore and- OK. Pause. Deep breath. Sorry, I'm not making much sense. I'm sure you're up there with your quill and red ink, adding in all the punctuation I've missed and crossing out my overuse of the word "and". I apologise for the ink that's blurred. It's a side-effect of having you taken away. Bloody hell, they told me this would help, and now here I am sitting in tears just like before. It's pitiful.

Moving on – I thought I'd start out with how everyone else is, since I'm not sure whether I can talk about us coherently quite yet. Mum is exactly how you'd expect. She's cooking much too much food, which somehow never quite makes it out without being a little bit burned (yeah, unusual, I know). Then she bursts into tears and says it's about the cooking, but everyone knows… It doesn't take much to set her off any more. Dad's been quite quiet. It was a shock to see him cry at the funeral. I don't think we've ever seen that before, have we? Sorry, not trying to guilt trip you or anything, but it's true.

Speaking of things we've never seen… Percy's been hiding out in his room since the battle. I think he blames himself. I also think that that might be my fault. I'm sorry, Fred, I didn't mean it, but he was standing stuttering about how sorry he was and I flipped and yelled at him that it had never been his right to be with you and I wished… Wished that he'd died. And of course I'm ashamed. But at the time, that was true. I _did _wish he'd died. I still wish I could have been there instead of him. It was my duty, as your twin, to try to save you. I failed. But it isn't really his fault. I know that. It's more my fault than anybody else's. Mine and Rookwood's. I failed. I failed. I'm sorry.

Then there's Ron. Our ickle Ronnikins seems to be trying to act like the man of the house. I think it's his way of apologising for running off all year and leaving everyone else behind. Harry and Hermione hang around too – they're even more like part of the family now, what with Hermione being with Ron, and Harry with Ginny. You owe me two Galleons. You can add that on to all the other bets you've lost. I expect the money when I see you again. Harry's been as awkward as we knew he would be. He's being followed around the country by reporters, including Rita Skeeter – the nerve! Mum threw a saucepan at them though, and I think they warned the others about the mad witch living in the, because they never came back. However, we did see a story in _the Prophet _about "the woman driven to insanity and violence by the death of her son", which was probably meant to be revenge from Skeeter. Pathetic.

Harry has spent most of his time here apologising to different people about you. We keep telling him it wasn't his fault, but I'm not sure that I can bear it if he tells me he "didn't want you to die" once more… Of course he didn't - he doesn't have to tell me that. On another note, Ginny yelled at him for about a decade on the first night after the battle, for going off without her. "YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BY SNATCHERS!" Ring any bells? Taking after our mother, she is. Incidentally, it didn't go down well when he told her they _were_ caught, for a while at least. But after that one night she calmed down, and now they're inseparable. Our little sister with that scrawny git… Someone should warn him – I don't think he's really the right build to cope with her when she's in a mood, Chosen One or not. Voldemort's not even a warm-up act compared to her.

There is some good news, though. Bill and Fleur have been coming over a lot, looking happier than was decent, I might add. We finally worked out why one night, when they told us Fleur was pregnant. That's right – you're going to have a niece! They're calling her Victoire, apparently – it's Frog-speak for "victory", as in ours, in the war. I managed to resist telling them that it wasn't a victory for everyone. Didn't think I should ruin the evening. Mum cried anyway, but I think that was because she was happy, so that was all right. You know what she's like. If she cried at the wedding, she'll cry about being a grandma too.

There isn't much to say about Charlie. He came home for the funeral, but I don't think he liked the atmosphere, so he flew back off to Romania pretty sharpish afterwards. Dragons are better company than us, apparently. Can't say I blame him – I'd much rather be in another country right now as well.

I've exhausted our supply of family members to tell you about now, so I guess I'm the only one left… I won't lie. It's been tough. It still is, actually, and I don't think it's really going to get any better. I have to lie on my left side when I'm going to sleep, because I can't bear to see your empty bed. Then again, it's not exactly like I've slept much at all. Or eaten a huge amount. I keep finding myself lying awake crying. It doesn't suit me. It doesn't work at all. Doesn't help, does it? We… we were never ones to cry. But this time, action won't work. I can't do anything to get you back, and that hurts more than anything. More than when my ear got cursed off. Believe me, I've thought for so long about how to bring you to life again, and I never thought I'd say this, but I think it's impossible... I – I miss you, Freddie, and I haven't really worked out yet how to stop being "and George". To be totally honest, I don't really want to either. I don't want to suddenly be on my own! I mean, I still pause in the middle of sentences and expect you to finish them... More often than not, I don't even start the sentences because you normally did that for me.

It's been a month. The others are all happy again. Even Mum's a lot better. They all told me they understood, and that they loved you too. But you weren't their twin, and I don't believe they really know what it feels like, because, as guilty as I feel about admitting this, I know that you were the one person whose death I would never have been able to cope with. I could still be smiling and joking if it had been anyone else, because you would have been doing it too... Bad luck for us then. The other thing they will never understand is how it feels when people look at you and see your dead twin instead. When they have to fix their eyes on the hole where your ear used to be in order to actually convince themselves that they aren't seeing somebody else – somebody who is actually rotting in a hole in the ground. There are so many feelings I have now that I could never have imagined before I actually lost you.

Fred. I'm scared. What happens when I'm forty? I will have lived longer without you than with you, and then people will expect you… not to matter anymore. Maybe I'll be married with children, or something. Should they then mean more to me than you do? I just don't feel like anybody else could ever matter any more… I don't want to see Angelina, or Lee, or anybody. I know you want me to live, but I don't know how to on my own. I was never without you before. And when I'm older, will I still see you when I look in a mirror? I will change, and you never will. The ear thing was bad, but this is a big difference. People can't mistake us now... Actually, that's not true. Mum called me Fred the other day, and everyone looked at me like they thought I'd explode. Really, I was just wishing I could still answer to that name without people thinking I'm cracking up and sending me to a therapist…

I covered every mirror in the house when I got home. They thought it was so I didn't see you, but really it was so I couldn't see myself change, and leave you behind. I had to uncover them recently though, so that failed. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't need to see a counselor. I'm just not ready to move on yet. So I pretend to be OK. Another thing – I haven't touched alcohol since you… you know. Not even any Firewhisky when we were celebrating about Victoire. I'm frightened that if I get drunk I'll never want to be sober again. I don't want to be an alcoholic, but mostly, I don't want to forget and then have to remember again. It's bad enough waking up every morning after dreaming that you were alive again, without that happening more than once in a day, and then getting a hangover on top.

One last thing, and then I'd better leave you in peace. The shop. I haven't been there yet. I don't know if I can handle being in the place we worked so hard on again… But I have to try. You know, I'm not even sure if I belong in Gryffindor any more. I was only brave with you here. I'm too much of a coward to open up yet – I keep making excuses. There is one thing I know though, which is that I'm not quite cowardly enough to take the easy way out. You would never forgive me, would you? I don't like the idea of spending maybe even one hundred more years like this, when I only had you for twenty of them, but I'm going to do my best. Aren't I admirable? I'm trying to smirk now. It's really rather pathetic. I'm sure you're laughing so hard you'll fall off your fluffy little cloud just watching me.

Your brother, George

P.S. I'm sorry I never said goodbye, or told you I loved you. I hope you knew that. I just didn't expect never to have another chance.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: This is my first fanfic and I realise that it isn't particularly good or original. I just needed to write something for George, because I've always been annoyed at how J.K. left it without saying more than about two sentences about him… Please review etc. – I'd love some constructive criticism! :)<br>**


	2. Dear George

**Disclaimer: As ever, I don't own anything here... I wish.**

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><p>Dear George,<p>

I'm so sorry. I didn't want to leave you behind… You're my best friend, my brother and my twin – you're the person I love the most in the world and I miss you too. I've been trying to make up for it by watching over you. The dead can look back at the people they've left behind, once they've taken the final step of moving on to the "afterlife" or whatever you'd call it. That's how I read your letter. However, I know there's no way you can receive this. I just feel like… Like I owe it to you, I guess, to write it. Anyway, you can read it once you get up here! I hope that is many years away.

You know, George, I think you're coping a lot better than I would have done. You're a true Gryffindor, whatever you say. I know you think that just because I'm louder than you I'm also stronger, but that isn't true. It isn't true at all. I don't think I could have done anything you've managed so far… You're still alive. That's an achievement in itself. Want me to tell you something? I very nearly came back as a ghost. I was going to – I didn't want to leave everyone behind - but I realised just in time that there was no way I could subject _you _to that kind of half-life when you died. So I left. I feel bloody guilty about it, but I think it was the best thing to do, really.

Merlin's beard it feels odd to be acting so seriously! Yeah, you're right, that was my rubbish attempt to defuse the tension… Speaking of Merlin though, apparently he's actually up here somewhere! Sirius said he's teamed up with Dumbledore and they've been comparing their facial hair. We can go exploring when you get here.

I'll follow the format of your letter for now. So, that means the family first… I can't really bear to watch Mum and Dad much. Don't like to see them crying over me. The only tears we were meant to cause were either ones of laughter or exasperation. I don't like hanging around watching it and being unable to do anything. I'll yell something at them like, "Hey, Mum! Dad!" and make a joke, and they'll be totally oblivious. Weirdly, it's actually harder knowing I can't help them now than knowing that I caused their pain in the first place…

Mostly I stick with watching you. I get a few sympathetic looks from passing-by spirits, or whatever you want to call them, which is always quite nauseating, but I can cope with that. I hate seeing you hurting as well, but… What was that phrase you used? Oh yeah, it's my "duty as your twin," so I keep an eye on you for most of the time, seeing as I failed in my other duty of staying alive… Yeah. Sorry again about that.

The others are all right, mostly. I mean, Harry and Percy are quite difficult on account of the fact that if all three of us were together the world might explode or something. Well, all right, maybe not, but someone'd probably come and stick a sign up saying "Guilt Party this way". They both beat themselves up thinking they caused my death or didn't prevent it, or something stupid like that, and I feel really bad for the fact that they feel bad. Insane, isn't it? I met Harry's parents though. They were checking up on him while I was looking at the rest of you. They're pretty cool, but James has to be careful with what he says or Lily beats him over the head with anything she has to hand. He says she worked out pretty early on that nothing actually causes any permanent damage here, and she's taken full advantage of the fact ever since.

That actually brings me on to an exciting piece of news for you… Well, you see, a few minutes after I arrived, Remus turned up. And I followed him because everything was a bit disorientating and he was a familiar face, and then he bumped into two of his best childhood friends – James Potter and Sirius Black. Nothing exciting there, you're thinking. So imagine my surprise when… Wait for it… Ah, the tension… Sirius yells, "It's Moony!" and there's this whole reunion of Moony, Padfoot and Prongs! (Wormtail turned out to be a total git, so they've left him out now. Peter Pettigrew, you know.) What I want to know is this – how the bloody hell did we hang out with two of our four mentors in the Order of the Phoenix, and even get taught DADA by one of them, without working out who they were! And we somehow managed to give the map to another Marauder's son! I think they were a bit shocked by my reaction, but I _couldn't _have been any quieter, really! I just wish you could have been there…

Now that I've calmed down a bit… George, listen. Please… Don't be scared. I know you won't ever actually know this, but I am still with you. You aren't alone – I won't ever let that happen. I'm a total hypocrite, because I'd be utterly useless in your situation, but have a go at living, OK? For me? I'm not going to tell you to live your life and stop wallowing in misery, because it's pointless for anyone to go on about "what I would've wanted", and you're actually doing pretty well. What I want is for you to do whatever feels right. I trust your judgement, and I don't think there's any point in rushing you. Once you want to, you'll let people in again. I'm sure of that.

As for looking different to each other… Looks aren't everything, even if it is true that I've always been the devillishly handsome (and charming) twin. All I'm trying to get at here is that it doesn't matter if you physically grow older. We'll still be the same as each other really, and trust me – if you look in a mirror when you're forty, or seventy, or one hundred and thirty-three, you can bet your last Knut that that's what I would've looked like too. We've always shared everything – that just includes a reflection now.

So, I'm getting a niece am I? Blimey! Bill's been working hard, hasn't he? (Better remind Mum to tell me off for that later.) Be sure to tell Victoire exactly how amazing an uncle I am! At least she's got you to show her a few decent pranks anyway. You should probably give the two new couples our older brother speech we've been saving up though – don't want _too_ many new nieces and nephews quite yet.

On to the shop then. I can't deny that I do hope you keep it going – it would be a shame to let it go after all the preparations, and the wizarding world really is in need of a good laugh. But don't do anything until you feel up to it - I'm sure Ron would help you. You could probably even blackmail Percy into it, if he's still guilty about me!

I'm sorry this letter isn't as long as yours was – you've always been better than me at writing. It doesn't matter though, because I'll get the chance to tell you all of this and more, eventually – probably even before I show you this letter.

Miss you…

Love, Fred

P.S. Of course I knew you loved me. I'm not quite _that _modest.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I think I wrote George's letter better, but I wanted to do a return from Fred and this was the best I could come up with. Please review! Thank you so much to my reviewers from Chapter 1! You're all amazing!<strong>


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